Ever since I was in middle school I’ve been journaling. I still own my journals and have slowly (very slowly) been transcribing them for a future writing project. I recently took a look at an entry in the master journal, so far, and discovered an entry from my senior year in high school. The following is a reflection I wrote and shared on a retreat I led in high school. The topic of my talk was “ideals”. Here’s what I had to say:
Who am I? Who are you? What distinguishes me from you or you from the person sitting next to you? Besides the obvious, hair color, eye color, each one of us has his or her own set of ideals which distinguishes us from one another. Ideals are what you stand for and what you live for. Our ideals are who we are and what we believe. Last night we were asked to look at the movie of our life and to think about our pasts. Hopefully during that time of reflection you came across some of your values. In my movie I found that my three main ideals are loving others and myself, living in the present, and valuing my time with my family. My ideals stem from my values. An ideal is an ideal with the “L” of love added to it – it is a good idea I pursue with love and determination. An idea is something in the head; an ideal is in the heart. Ideals make our whole lives possible and in order to achieve our goals we must determine our values and ideals.
Ideals play a huge role in our lives. We all have ideals, values, desires and goals which influence our actions. An ideal is a belief or goal that each individual must choose for himself in order to make his life meaningful. Ideals require constant time, effort and energy. And even though we may never reach them, or we may fail to follow them, they affect the way we live our lives for a certain period of time. For instance, in the past I made a goal to make the varsity girls’ basketball team. I took great strides toward achieving my goal and I desired so strongly to make this team that I spent numerous hours training in a gym. On another note I also wish to treat others with respect. For this reason I am nice to others and don’t put them down. Our actions are reflections of who we are and what we believe, and others often take notice of our actions. Sometimes you can tell someone’s ideals based on their actions. When I notice someone taking time out of their lives to help someone out, or smiling and greeting everyone they’re putting their ideals into action. People who work hard in school clearly value their future and the importance of education just as those who volunteer value helping others.
Some of our ideals are internal, and reflect what is important to us. Ideals are the reasons behind our attitudes and values. For example, I want to do my best, put forth 100% effort, and work hard in all that I do. To me “it’s more important to do my best, rather than to be the best.” I strive to do the right thing even when no one is watching. I also desire to be honest with not only others, but also with myself. Furthermore, I work to live in the present. After reading a book, “The Present,” by Spencer Johnson, I discovered the importance of being in the present, learning from the past, and planning for the future. Even though I try very hard to live by my ideals, I often fail to do so. I don’t always put forth all my effort when I’m doing something, and I do compare myself to others. Through one specific failure to live by my ideals I learned a great lesson. I failed to be honest with myself and others during my high school career. I failred to express my true beliefs because I wanted badly to fit in and maintain friendships. Over time, I became accustomed to conforming to how others acted and thought, and I found myself miserable. I was doing things I didn’t really want to do, and being a person that I really wasn’t. I didn’t want to be a “designated driver” watching others act foolish. I didn’t want to be the goody too shoes being taken advantage of. I didn’t like being in situation where others were putting each other down with phrases like “you’re ugly, you’re fat, why are you so stupid?!” Because I value seeing the best in others I didn’t want to listen to others put each other down. The more I heard these phrases, the more I began to believe they were true, even when I knew they weren’t. I had to get myself out of this situation. At this point I had to be honest with myself. I spent a great deal of time discovering who I really was and what I truly valued and ultimately made a choice to be myself. Through my failure to be honest with myself is others I discovered more of my ideals, and began to recognize my own ideals, rather than live by the ideals of others.
Some of our ideals are external, that is how we want to be seen by others. Most people want to be liked by others, so their ideals reflect this desire. For me, I want others to see me as I am. I want them to view me as a dedicated, hard worker, who is spiritually devoted to God. I hope people think of me as a genuinely nice, happy, friendly and loving person. Because I desire people to see these qualities in me, I act in a way that enables them to shine through. I smile at everyone and greet others with a friendly “hello,” tell others the truth, and genuinely attempt to express my love toward everyone. Sure there are days when I fail to portray these qualities, but setting external ideals sets goals which influence my actions for how I act around others.
The third type of ideal is Christian ideals. These ideals stem from the life and teachings of Jesus. We cannot accomplish these ideals without the help of Jesus. God gave His toughest commandment to humanity when Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Loving one another may sound easy, but loving as Jesus loved us, to his own death, is hard. Jesus asks each of us to take the love and understanding shown to us and pass it on to others. I owe it to myself and others who live in this world with me, to at least try to understand the Christian ideal. Each day I try to live by the ultimate Christian ideal, to love others as Jesus loves me. I strive to see others as well as myself through God’s eyes. For me, it’s easier to see others through God’s eyes rather than see myself through God’s eyes. But I continue to work on recognizing God’s love of everyone, and expressing that love to all I encounter. I must love others and myself in spite of our faults. Each time I can forget myself and help someone else I’m putting the Christian ideal into practice. I also desire to help others out by volunteering my time and giving to those less fortunate. Volunteering is a great way to live out the Christian ideal because it’s an expression of loves towards God’s people. I recently discovered that Jeeps Guyesky has spent every spring break on Habitat for Humanity, volunteering his vacation to help others. Talk about an example of living out Christian ideals. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “God is first, others second; I am third” on numerous retreats throughout high school. This is a perfect philosophy to live Christian ideals. Our Christian ideals affect the ways we live throughout our entire lives.
We need our ideals because without them we are aimless. Our ideals give our lives direction, meaning, and purpose. Without ideals I would be a nobody going nowhere. If I didn’t establish goals to be nice or to spend time with my family, my time would be spent completely different.
Our ideals are not always constant. They can change, in fact they should change and will change as we mature and grow spiritually, mentally, and physically. As I have changed and matured, my ideals have changed and matured. My ideals are as unique as the movie of my life. If I want to change them, only I can. In looking at the movies of our lives last night we could probably see how our attitudes and ideals have changed and developed, toward friends, school, family, work, and other things. For instance, my ideals have changed in many of these aspects.
Regarding friends – I used to go with the flow and wouldn’t say what was on my mind, just so I could fit in and maintain my group of friends. I limited myself to a small, selective group of friends. When I recognized how miserable I felt hiding my true beliefs, and how unhappy with myself I was, I changed my ideals. Rather than agreeing with my friends’ ideals I discovered, developed and began to follow my own. Now I view everyone as a friend and try to initiate many new friendships. I don’t limit myself to a small select group of individuals to hang out with. I take the time to get to know and talk to as many people as I can. Because I realized that I needed to change my ideals I became comfortable and confident enough in myself to initiate friendships.
My ideals also have changed regarding my family. As I get older, especially as college grows nearer. I learn more and more of how precious my time with my family is. I foresee the near future when I won’t be living with my family anymore, I’ll be away at college, so I’ve established an ideal to cherish every moment with my family and be grateful that God has blessed me with them in my lives. Sometimes I lose patience with my family and always regret doing so. When I find myself not consistently following my ideals I take the time to gather my thoughts in order to keep myself in check and continue practicing my ideals.
As we look back over our pasts, we may also notice that there were times when our actions were not consistent with our ideals. All of us have times when we don’t live as we believe. However, it’s important that we keep trying to live our ideals, despite our failures. The effort is what counts. I mentioned how I strive to live in the present. Yet, I often dwell on my past mistakes, and tear myself down about them. I want to be viewed as someone who works hard and genuinely loves others, but there are times that I roll out of bed, feeling so tired that I fail to “cowboy up” to put forth my best effort and energy at school. But a saint is a sinner who keeps trying, so I learn from my failures and continue trying to live by my ideals the best I can. I always feel the best about myself and everything in general when my actions are consistent to my ideals. It’s like the feeling you get when you’ve worked so hard to achieve something and then you finally do. Like when you cross the finish line of a big race. A feeling of accomplishment and self-worth.
There are also times when we aren’t aware of our ideals. We can devote our time, energy, and effort to something without knowing why or what that something is. For me, I discovered many of my ideals after putting them into practice. When I began to hang out less with friends from school and more with my family I began to discover activities that I truly like doing, and found that I didn’t like stuff that I thought I always had. On the route to self-discovery I realized that playing basketball at Lansing Catholic wasn’t something I enjoyed as much as I had thought. I found that I was doing things because I always had, but I had lost touch with myself, and became unable to notice what really made me happy. After realizing that I didn’t like some of the things I was doing I was able to discover the variety of things I really do enjoy doing, like spending time with my family, trying new things (I happen to love surfing!), and learning and studying. The more I know of my ideals the better I can live them. If I do not stand up for my own ideals, how can I respect myself and expect others to treat me with respect? It is up to each of us to recognize our ideals because we are the only ones who can devote our entire lives to them.
In order to discover some of our ideals, we might ask ourselves some questions. I want you to write these down. How do I spend my time? What do I like to do? What don’t I like to do? When do I feel my best? How do I view and treat myself and others? Who do I admire, love and respect, and why? Take some time right now to answer a few of those questions. When I answer those questions I realize that I enjoy spending my time with my family, learning, coaching girls’ basketball and providing services to others. However, I don’t like partying. I always feel my best after doing something I love, or doing something for someone else and brightening their day. For instance, I feel great selling my Italian water Ice to people who absolutely love it and smile as they eat it. I love seeing others happy. Of course I also feel great after doing something for myself, treating myself to something that I like as well. I attempt to view others and myself through God’s eyes and treat others and myself with respect and dignity. I admire all of my family because they show such great love for me and others and passion for what they do. I tend to develop many of my ideals based on what my family members do out of love. For instance, my parents began a Capital Area Cougars basketball program for young kids. Although at first their time seemed consumed by the project, I learned that it was such a great thing they did for all these kids. My desire to help others is influenced by their love of doing so as well. Answering questions like those will help you discover where your heart is and what you value in life. Your heart will be where your treasure is. Don’t treasure possessions or pleasures. Possessions rust, rot, or fall apart. Pleasure passes.
Remember, all of us have ideals…ideals that determine the way we live. Ideals give life its meaning. It’s up to you to live your ideals. I can live my ideals if I want to just as you can live your ideals if you want to. Like I said earlier, an ideal is something in the head; an ideal is in the heart. Therefore, the best way to discover your ideals is through reflection and listening to your heart.
Have you ever watched the sunset over a beach? To me, there’s something very humbling about being near the ocean. Then, add a breathtaking sunset and the world feels that much more amazing.
Tonight I had the pleasure of watching the sunset on Pebble Beach in California. Standing there looking over the water inspired a few personal lessons I’d like to share:
- Observe. It’s in observing the details of our surroundings that we learn great things. We learn about others, the world, and ourselves. Observing my surroundings during the sunset led me to discover a crab, a hermit crab, an anemone…sea creatures I wouldn’t have seen had I not been paying attention to the uniqueness of the environment around me.
- Breathe. We all know breath is vital to our life. We need it. But how often to we really breathe? Deep, full bodied breath that trickles through our entire body? It’d these deep breaths that relax us, energize us, and heal us. Yoga has helped me discover my breath (so much that my doctor knew I did yoga by how I breathe). Breathing in the ocean air in itself is a bit magic. Tie that with a deep, full bodied breath and it’s even more impactful.
- Cherish. I was able to convince someone I love to take a break from work and join me to take in this breathtaking experience. Fortunately, he likes sunsets and the ocean, so my job wasn’t too difficult. Something about sharing the sunset together reminded me to cherish my time with those for whom I care deeply. Our time on earth is limited and we don’t really know when the ones we love will leave our lives for one reason or another. So why not act like every moment is a special sunset with the ones we love?!
- Be. Sunsets only last for a few moments and if we’re distracted by other things in our lives, what we did that day or what we’re doing later, we miss the sunset. Have you ever heard that if you watch the sun just as it sets you’ll see a green light? I haven’t actually seen a very bright green splash, though have seen green in the sky surrounding the sunset. I wonder if that claim is simply meant for people to be focused on the sun as it sets. Because if you aren’t, you’ll miss the green light!
- Play. Watching the sunset I took off my shoes, felt the (cold) water on my feet, sand in between my toes. I had the urge to play, run, jump, do a cartwheel (which I am very poor at actually performing). After the sunset I attempted a handstand (key word – attempted). Something about the ocean, the waves, the beauty, the color, and the final sunset felt like a celebration to me. And what better way to celebrate than an attempted handstand?!
Here’s to many more literal and figurative sunsets in our lives!
■ How do you want to be remembered?
■ How do you want people to describe you?
■ Who do you want to be?
■ Who or what matters most to you?
■ What are your deepest values?
■ How would you define success in your life?
■ What makes your life really worth living?
Going into the weekend is a great time to reflect on these questions. Spend a moment asking yourself more, digging into your core mission and values that will guide your ongoing decisions throughout life.
Despite my effort to participate in the YourTurnChallenge, a challenge to write and publish every day for seven consecutive days, I didn’t write and publish yesterday.
I could list a dozen excuses as to why I didn’t write or publish yesterday – the 17 hours I was spending doing other things that seemed more important at the time. And the fact that when I did have a few minutes I could have spent writing, I was tired or not in the writing mood. It doesn’t matter though. At the end of the day I didn’t write, I didn’t publish. It doesn’t matter why not. It didn’t happen and that’s the bottom line.
We create excuses for a lot of things in life. Excuses as to why we didn’t do something we wanted to or for making “mistakes”, for missing appointments or canceling appointments.
Why do we make excuses? Is it out of laziness? Failure to prioritize? or misunderstanding of what’s important? Or is our subconscious telling us that we really don’t want to spend time doing whatever we are making an excuse about. Maybe if we were more thoughtful about our commitments and other decisions we wouldn’t need to make excuses.
Maybe it’s time we take a hard look at the excuses we make and why we make them. And carefully consider the commitments we make to others and ourselves, so that we don’t put ourselves in positions where excuses feel necessary.
Today I wrote a poem
because I felt like rhyming
Something about words
made artful using timing.
Maybe it was emotion
or maybe it was drive
that inspired my inner poet
to reach out & come alive.
No matter the source
whatever the tale
this poem is about nothing
except my need to derail.
When paper put to pen
or fingers to keyboard
nothing holds us back
except the eastern seaboard.
This may not make sense
the words don’t always fit
That’s why I’ll make this stanza
the end of it!
When we meet someone new usually one of the first questions we are asked is “what do you do?” It’s such an odd question because it’s asking something so broad, typically expecting a narrowly defined answer, detailing our profession.
Whenever I am asked that question I carefully think about how I want to respond or I just say whatever is on my mind. Because I do a lot of things. We all do. And more of what we do is outside of our professional lives (for some of us who don’t make their work their lives). For me, my work and life interlace, so the distinction isn’t as clear. Here are some of the ways I like to answer that question:
- “I make gelato”
- “I practice yoga”
- “I write comedy”
- “I sleep”
- “I cook”
- “I run”
If someone is really pressing for a more professional answer, usually I say something like “I create solutions to solve problems (or I’m an entrepreneur)”
Recently someone asked me to describe what I do for work and I used the above description. She continued to dig deeper into my work, asking:
- What about it is really satisfying? Making an impact in peoples’ lives (whether an employee, customer, partner, etc)
- What about it drives you crazy? It can be a very lonely road & there are lots of ups & downs, highs & lows. And the lows can be very low.
- What are your goals? To leave the world a little bit better place
- What is driving you? Honestly, probably achieving. I’m highly competitive. And making an impact. Doing something that positive impacts people.
- What is holding you back? Myself. I’m my own biggest hurdle. Self-doubt.
- Do you regret any significant decisions you’ve made about your career? If you had it to do over again, would you do it differently? No regrets. Lots of lessons though. I live by the philosophy “no mistakes, only gifts & opportunities”
There you have it. That’s what I do and how I feel about it.
Someone I love recently subscribed me to StoryWorth, which prompts a weekly question for me to answer. The first question was “What were your favorite toys as a child?” To which I responded:
To help you understand my favorite toys as a child I’ll first say that I loved animals! As soon as I could talk I asked my mom to horseback ride & my family always had dogs. Maybe that’s why I enjoyed the fake animals just as much as the real ones:
Puppy in my pocket. If you ever wonder why I can name almost any dog breed from just seeing a dog on the street it’s because of these small plastic dogs. Each dog came with a card, sharing the breed and the dog’s name. I’m pretty sure they are still in a shoe box (a Hush Puppies brand shoe box of course) in my parents’ basement. Check out the attached photo for a glimpse of what these puppies looked like.
Breyer horses. These model horses were a higher priced toy item and it was always a special treat to get a new one. I had Black Beauty, Man of War, Secretariat, Ruffian (photo attached), all the “famous” horses, and then others that were just as special. I gave them all names and played with them with my friend Lauren. We’d create our own equine sitcoms (or often times soap operas) with the characters we created and plots we developed. Horses had stallionfriend drama, friend fights, gossip, successes and failures, just as we experience. I also had smaller plastic horses, more similar in form to the puppy in my pockets. However, they did not intermingle with the Breyers.
Stuffed animals. Let’s just say I could fill a bedroom with just stuffed animals. I collected them over the years because family knew me to love animals and gifting a fake plush one was a suitable substitute (and more favorable from my parents who were not excited when I brought home a live gerbil from a friend at school in the third grade). These plush friends brought much of the characteristics as a real friend…comfort, hugs, a shoulder to cry on, and a great listener (they never talked back and always agreed with me!)
Beanie babies. I struggle to include these small bean filled animals as toys, as they were more of an investment. They were supposed to pay for my college education when their $5 cost became $5,000 in value. Heck, that could’ve also paid for retirement considering all the Beanie Babies I owned. Even if they did appreciate in value ours probably would have still been worthless, since they made great amo for my siblings and my “beanie baby wars” during which we’d throw them at each other from across the basement floor. Once the tag was removed, the value was stripped.
With my imagination, all of these toy creatures had names, lives, personalities. They were my storyboard for creation in addition to childhood toys and entertainment. They were friendly compliments to the sports’ toys – basketballs, soccers, skates, or other recreational games. A basketball wasn’t something to cry on or talk to about my day at school. My husky stuffed animal was always there with a warm hug and listening ears, even if they weren’t real.
Am I missing anything, mom?